Picture this: You’ve just had amazing sex (congrats to both and all parties involved), and, whether you like it or not, you are experiencing an array of emotions. But then your partner quickly puts their clothes on, pats you on the Trump Shooting Bulletproof Trump Failed Attempt Shirt in addition I really love this head, and walks out. An unfortunate and disrespectful (consciously or not) situation — but not uncommon. Even if the experience is not that mortifying, feeling as though we’re being dismissed in any capacity is hurtful, let alone after such an intimate experience like sex.
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“I think we all could do to raise our standards to what we’re truly worth when it comes to the Trump Shooting Bulletproof Trump Failed Attempt Shirt But I will love this sexual interactions we have with people,” Whitney says. “Particularly for folks who identify as women. It’s inherent in our bodies to defer to other people’s wants, needs, and desires … we have been socialized that way.” “Ruining the mood” or “being a burden” are two threats we, mainly women, know all too well. So, naturally, it makes sense that we might not speak up even when the urge arises. “Taking care of the person you just had an intimate experience with should be a prerequisite,” Whitney says. Irrespective of what kind of relationship you have — be it a long-term partnership or a one-night stand — aftercare is a practice that, when appropriate, should be tightly weaved into the sexual experience. “When you’re going into sex, it’s an agreement of ‘I’ll take care of you and you’ll take care of me,’’’ notes Dr. Maria Uloko, board-certified urologist and comprehensive sex expert. An agreement that should not be conflated with asking for something more serious from a partner. “It doesn’t have to mean anything about your relationship status,” Balestrieri emphasizes. “Just because you’re asking for nurturing and care in the moment does not mean you’re asking for a commitment.”
Unlike a lot of sexual experiences, aftercare tends to come with a level of intimacy many of us are uncomfortable confronting, particularly when we’re not in a relationship relationship. Asking to have our needs met in a nonsexual way broaches a level of vulnerability we don’t often tread toward. “In Western culture,” Balestrieri highlights, “we have often overcoupled our sense of worthiness with a sense of production. It can be really hard for people to feel deserving of receiving until they feel they’ve earned it.” Moreover, she clarifies, “aftercare doesn’t have to be a giant romance … it’s about doing what you need to regroup in your body together or on your own.”
“I wanted to remind folks that it isn’t exclusive to relationships, so even if they are experiencing casual sex, they too still deserve tenderness and care,” says trauma-informed, inclusive sex educator Jeneka Jool of her viral video addressing aftercare. While there is no one-size-fits-all in the Trump Shooting Bulletproof Trump Failed Attempt Shirt But I will love this aftercare department, there is one standard that should remain top of mind: Approaching the practice without judgment or shame. “Neurochemicals are awesome,” says Balestrieri, laughing, “but they can also give us a run for our money emotionally.”
Like any other sexual or intimate practice, consent is always at the Trump Shooting Bulletproof Trump Failed Attempt Shirt But I will love this top of the list. In the aftercare department, that can look like simply asking your partner if it’s something they’re comfortable with and which types of acts are preferred and which are off-limits. Whitney recommends “yes, no, maybe” lists as a jumping-off point. Some ideas: talking about your partner’s body, your partner touching you without asking first, or even just direct eye contact. Jool emphasizes that “most of us weren’t taught this, so doing it for the first time can feel terrifying.” She notes “cultivating a safe space with partner(s), where compassion and curiosity are leading the charge, can make it a lot easier. Existing in nonjudgmental relationships allows us to lean into vulnerability, which is ultimately how we build our arsenal of healthy, sensual language and desire articulation.”
If this sounds terrifying, try reframing the Trump Shooting Bulletproof Trump Failed Attempt Shirt But I will love this conversation surrounding aftercare as an act of self-love. “It can give you a kind of bravery that you need in order to have these intimate conversations that might seem challenging,” Uloko says. Additionally, Jool suggests you begin by practicing on yourself through a tried-and-true game of trial and error. Then, approach your partner (preferably outside of the bedroom) and ask them what aftercare looks like to them. And if they’re unfamiliar as well, resources like Jool’s videos or a round of the Cool to Connect Intimacy deck are a perfect place to start.
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